what an uneventful evening i am participating in

it may sound boring that it is 8.30 in the evening and i am simply sitting on the couch with my laptop in my lap (that sound a bit redundant) writing on my blog.....its not, its quite relaxing. this week has been a marathon of this and that, getting to bed late, getting up at my usual, early time. however, i do not say this with an aire of regret, i am happy that i was able to stay up late for good reasons, whether they be talking on the phone with a friend who is filling my imagination with a great idea or hanging out at my favorite watering hole talking honestly with people and bearing my heart to them......awesome.

i was just on Jonny Baker's blog (i referenced his blog a couple entries ago, and the link to his blog is on the left) and he has a really insightful comment on the christian subculture and their tireless obsession with all things end-times/rapture related. i highly recommend going to his blog and reading it, its quite refreshing.

on a personal degree, today has been interesting......well, at least this last part of it. now the situation that has triggered me to write this has happened quite often, but, for some reason, it has bothered me more tonight. the story begins almost two years ago to the week, when the strikingly beautiful creature that was the dame of my dreams walked out of my life forever......just kidding, this isn't going to be some blog-noir entry. ok, it is true, however, that it has been two years since my ex-girlfriend April and i broke up after dating for over a year. i say this to exhibit the obsurdity of what i am about to admit: i still, nearly on a daily basis, think of her and how much it sucks that things ended up the way they did. sometimes this takes the form of anger, that she so easily allowed things to end without any show of emotion; sometimes in the form of pain, that we had comitted to each other that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together one night in her car, but i guess she didn't exactly mean it; and sometimes in the form of regret, that i didn't fight harder for her and that i didn't try to convince her to stay....which i'm sure would have done no good what so ever. anyway, the thing that pisses me off and really confuses me is the fact that i still think about her often and i still run certain situation over and over in my head and try and think up things i could have said that would have convinced her to see what i was trying to say. why the hell do i still think on these things? all this crap happened over two years ago, duh. i suppose one of the biggest reasons is that i am still on my own, i don't have anyone on which to set my thoughts and affection. thus, i am forced to rehash things dealing with my failed relationship with April, its all i can point to in this area of my life. we have, since the horrible break up, regained contact with one another, but it has been in the form of me writing her detailed e-mails, then her repplying with brief, surface e-mails. she doesn't e-mail unless its a reply to mine, so if i don't write her first, we don't communicate; its frustrating. anyway, i suppose i should just accept the fact that things are now as they most likely will be forever and just move the #$%^ on. i'm trying....and i pray God helps me in that endeavor (or just brings me a great girl to replace her in my thoughts and heart).