not the best of moods this evening
as the subject suggests.......i'm not in a very cheery mood this evening, in fact i haven't really been for the better part of a week. my cloudy mood revolves around the following set of facts: 1. i am stuck in a job i hate, not just dislike, hate; 2. i am making little to no progress in the things i desire to excel in and someday want to pursue a career in (namely due to my mind-numbing current job); 3. i still live with my parents....believe me, i know what i loser i am; 4. i have no females to really hang out with, let alone date.......on top of it all, the girl i most enjoy hanging out with, only hangs out when i call her, she doesn't call me (she says she will, but she doesn't...quite frustrating). so, i know what you're all thinking, maybe even saying out loud......"well boo f-ing hoo" i agree, i am being pitiful. however, these frustrations are real problems to a guy my age. i should be well on my way to a great career, living on my own, and maybe even have a serious girlfriend.....this is not just some social standard forced on gentlemen my age, this is the way things are for nearly all of my guy friends; they nearly all have good jobs, all live on their own, and all have either serious girlfriends or wives. so what the hell is wrong with me? did i sleep in the day they handed out successful lives? the biggest problem, i think, is that i feel like there is a wall in front of me which prevents me from being successful in any of the areas i outlined above. i honestly feel like God has tied my hands and is causing me to stand in cement, thus not being able to move anywhere or do anything to help things. it has been a tough week between God and me, i have talked at Him quite a bit about my situation and how much pain i have within myself and it feels like He is just standing there, so completely silent. there has to be some reason why this is happening to me, why i am leading such a defeated life; i have no blooming clue though. to quote the great Lee Bozeman, lead singer of Luxury, "somehow, God is good and God is loving." damn right.
2 Comments:
I am no more spiritual that anyone, I am the least if anything... I am crappy spiritual, but I am going to give this a shot.
I am a father, and I love buying my son (Ben) stuff. Toys, candy, treats, fast food, happy meals, legos, rescue heros, air rockets, Hotwheels; you name it. I love giving him gifts, even though he REALLY torks me off by his attitude quite often, *He is spoiled... BUT - I LOVE MY SON UNTO DEATH... Those aren't just my words bro...
Chin up... and have another Guiness while you contemplate the profoundness of a Father who loves, desires, covets, our happiness; even though we nose around like blind raccoons looking for tasty morsals of leftovers found in campground trash cans. That's where I seem to always end up. I get my focus all whacked out and end up looking for my joy to come in nicely wrapped pieces of celephane. The joy usually come in other ways. I am convinced of the fact that God works in oposites as far as what we think and want. It seems to suck, but in the end it doesn't.
I am blessed beyond meassure, so it may seem a bit trite for this advice to be coming from me. You may be thinking, "that rich punk, he has a job, house, wife, kid, 2 cars, computers, guitars...how the he77 does he know how I feel!!!?" You're quite right, I have never been exactly where you are, but I have the same Father as you do.
This is really the only thing I wanted to say...
Your glass will never be full unless the hand that pour is that of Jesus'...
It is a lesson I learn on a regular basis...
hope that helps...
Ready To Be HOME,
matt
Please also note that I am not down on you for being down. It is good to be able to vent like this. There are times for feeling the way you do, and there are times you need encouragement. Don't think I'm telling you your wrong in your feelings. Everyone gets knocked down now and then... Just ask Chumbawumba...
We'll be singing When we're winning We'll be singing
I get knocked down but I get up again You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down but I get up again You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down but I get up again You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down but I get up again You're never going to keep me down
Sipping the night away Sipping the night away
He drinks a lager drink He drinks a cider drink
He drinks a lager drink He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times
Oh Joshy Boy, Joshy Boy, Joshy Boy
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