i feel a bit silly writing this post, as the contents thereof are a bit personal and slightly whinny. that said, i had a 'bad' dream the other night. not a i'm-falling-through-space-and-wake-up-just-before-i-hit kind of dream or a i'm-in-a-fight-with-a-strong-guy-and-i-can't-lift-my-arms-so-i-subsequently-get-the-shite-beat-out-of-me kind of dream. i mean the kind of cruel dream that takes the hidden desires of your heart and cons you into thinking they are actually happening; that is until you wake up and realize the shit reality of it all. so, there's this certain person that i still have feelings for and secretly (well, i suppose after this, it won't be so secret) wish there was some way we could be together again. now, this idea has been on my mind for the better part of the last couple of months..... one of those nagging thoughts that won't entirely let me go. however, i'm guessing that this particular scenario is one that only comes together in 30-minute sitcoms or devastatingly ridiculous romance movies; however, i continue to think about it. so, back to a few days ago, i had a dream in which this afore-mentioned scenario, this girl and i miraculously getting back together, actually happens. we're together and all the pain and difficulty of our situation was gone and we were simply with each other again..... frig, i know this sounds so damn sappy and stupid, but it wasn't.
then...... i wake up right in the middle of it all. but the emotional residue of the dream was still with me, as if it had just happened; what a cruel joke. now, you may be asking yourself, 'who cares? so you had a dream about this, big deal'. you may be right, i may have to stop taking these instances so seriously. the thing is, i hate being teased with the things i really want. i mean, i regret the way things turned out between us, i wish with all my heart it would have gone differently and to be tricked into thinking, for just a moment, that things were back to what they were pisses me off. anyway, i just had to get that out, i apologize if this post was too self-indulgent. i will end this long and emotionally strenuous post by underscoring my feelings by borrowing the immortal words of The Smiths' "Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me":
Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, but no harm
Just another false alarm
Last night I felt
real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm
So, tell me how long
Before the last one ?
And tell me how long
Before the right one ?
