bloody illness........

i tell ya, being sick sucks incredibly bad, especially when you have better things to do. case in point, my grandpa's 80th birthday party was on saturday at the Elk's Club. it was a pretty neat little affair, though i probably only knew about 23% of the people there; so many old people. it was great to see how happy my grandpa was to see everyone and it was awesome to see my uncle and three cousins, whom i haven't seen in years. it would have been a lot better, however, if i hadn't been in a cold-induced fog......so annoying. there was a really sad point though. for those who don't know, which may be quite a few of you, my grandpa has had Parkinson's for a few years now and his condition has deteriorated quite a bit over the past few years. he shakes quite a bit, has trouble walking (he stands there for a second, seemingly remembering how to walk, then when he gets going its slow), and rarely is able to talk above a mumbled whisper, so its hard to communicate with him. anyway, with that said, his sister from Arizona, who hadn't seen him in a number of years, was able to make it to the party....which was awesome. here is the sad part though: when she came into the place and saw him there sitting in the chair, shaking and slightly mumbling, she began to cry; it was such a stark contrast from the last time she saw him. this really made me realize how much worse his condition has actually gotten, we don't really see the evolution of things when we are in the middle of them. it really made me miss how things used to be with him. he was such a strong, able-bodied man his whole life, even eduring a full year in the Dutch underground running from the Nazis. man, time and age are a cruel master. anyway, i miss how things were and i guess i just need to enjoy the rest of the time God has for him on this earth; how ever long.

quite possibly the coolest thing ever

man, where the crap do i start? well, i guess i should start at the beginning of the whole deal. a great friend of mine Tayler and i went to see The Streets in Minneapolis at the Fine Line Music Cafe (a sweet freakin little venue downtown). we had a nice little drive and despite the crummy directions provided by the ticketmaster web site, we got there about 45 minutes before the show. luckily, there weren't many people out on the floor so Tayler and i got right up front, right to the stage. we met a couple of people who were also right up front, so we talked to them until the opening band, Tapes and Tapes, started; they were prettty cool people. the opening band was a local band and i must say that they were pretty good. i don't think they could fall into any peticular genre, they were comparable to Modest Mouse; boy, was their drummer ever good, a total animal. so, they got done and The Streets' crew started setting up their stuff. now, you know that a concert is going to be wild and fun when the crew, in addition to all the music equipment, they bring out a six-pack of beer and set up two taps on the front of the drum kit, one with a bottle of vodka, the other with a bottle of first class brandy. they have a song on their first CD about Mike's (the rapper) body telling him to stop drinking brandy, so when they played it the singer of the group, Leo, handed out little plasctic cups of brandy......so, you know i had to get one; man, was it ever good and smooth. so, after about an hour of playing, they shuffled off stage and of course we all yelled for an encore. after a few minutes, they finally heeded our call and came back on stage to do a couple more songs. in great style, they finished up with my favorite song of theirs "Don't Mug Yourself"; it was frickin' brilliant. so, during the last song Mike and Leo started handing out little pieces of paper. so, out of a deep desire to be included, tayler and i started yelling and motioning at Mike to give us one. he must have heard us right away because just after we started petitioning him, he walked right over to us and asked us if we wanted one, "frick yeah" was the response, so he got two and handed them to Tayler (he seems to be a sucker for pretty girls). so, we look at them to read what they were and they turned out to be passes to the after-party they were throwing; blankin' awesome!!!!!!!!

we went up to the lounge where they were having it and sat and waited for the band to come up; it was so cool just sitting there in the VIP area waiting to hang out with The Streets. while we waited, we met this guy, Matt, who was having trouble with his girl.....wait, let me back up. during the concert, between songs, Mike was talking with the crowd and locked eyes with this prissy girl that was standing right behind us. he stoped everything and was like, "damn you're fit, do you got a boyfriend?" or something like that and she said, "no", in a sort of weak-kneed, high school girl, teenu bopper way. Mike reply to this was, "would you like one?" or something like that. well, he didn't really wait for an answer and turned around and they started the next song. so, back to the after-party, the we were talking to was, as it turns out, the boyfriend of the girl who said she didn't have one.....needless to say he was pissed. to top it all off, when the band came trickling in, Mike went right over and started talking to her (she was obviously up there) for a couple minutes, then they left and went downstairs to the dressing room. that pretty much was the breaking point for Matt and he was going crazy, so Tayler, being the great girl she is, took him aside and talked him down a little bit; which took a great deal of the night. so, while Tayler was talking to him and various members of the band, i hung out at a table with 4 college students, 3 girls and a guy, who attend a college just north of Mankato, MN; they were really cool people and very easy to talk to. after a while it was just me and Gustof at the table; the guy mentioned above, who is from Sweden. we talked about church, God, music, London, Sweden....all sorts of things. it was really one of those situations where after the fact you look back on it and think, "man, you're way cool God to allow things to just be brought up", which further reinforces the fact that God will use you where ever you are, you just have to ready. i talked to Leo a little bit, but mostly i just hung back and let everyone else talk to the guys from the band. Tayler, though, talked to the keyboard player quite a bit, as well as Leo and Mike a little (he wasn't up there as often as the others). well, the night was drawing to a close and we decided to call it a night, seeing as though it was 1:15 and we had a three and a half hour drive ahead of us. so, i said good bye to Gustof and the girls i had met earlier and the said it was nice to meet me and to drive safely. i returned the sentiment and Tayler and i headed down the stairs to leave. well, who comes walking up the stairs whhile we are walking down them but Mike himself.......freakin cool. he looks up at us and says "you guys ain't leavin' yet are ya?" or something like that and we respond "yeah, i think the party's over and we have quite a drive ahead of us" or something like that. so, we end up talking to him for about 5 minutes or so, i shake hands with him, telling him the show was great and he gives Tayler a little kiss on the cheeck and proceed to walk down the stairs and out of the place not freakin believing the night we just had. the drive home was hell, but we made great time, making it back in about 3 hours. so, we got back to CF at 4:20, i dropped Tayler off at her place and headed home, making it to bed at 5. even as i write all this stuff, i still can't believe it actually happened........the whole experience was quite possibly the coolest thing ever. frickin' awesome!!!!!!!!

i almost forgot

this has nothing to do with the prior post at all, but i must bring to your attention this site that i saw last week; its bloody amazing. its called Sphere Magazine and it is such a freakin great new idea for media. this could be the fore-seeable future of publications, man.......such a good idea.

boring session.......i think i'll blog

here i am in Chicago at Willow Creek's Arts Conference and i am having a great time (even though you wouldn't think so from my title). we have 4 sessions todat on various topics i was just in one that wasn't at all what i thohught it was going to be, so why just sit there for an hour and a half when they have wi-fi in the atrium; so, here i am. to be honest, when i was asked to join Ben and Wendy on this trip to Willow Creek, i was like, "well, i think that'd be ok, but i don't really get into the whole 'mega-church' thing that Willow Creek seems to be the leader of", i must say i have been quite surprised and impressed with the things i've seen and heard so far. in the opening session yesterday, one of the church's main teaching pastors spoke about the church being authentic in both our worship and in our lives; it was totally right on. i found i quite surprising that a lot of the things that i and some of my friends have been talking about in reference to authenticity in the church was said. also, they have a ministry/service for my generation called Axis which seems to be a lot of, not all, but a lot of what we see for the Cave (esp. in reference to the arts/media and storytelling approach to a worship service). in fact, the session i attended before lunch today was led by one of the Axis' teachers and was about the art of teaching today, it was quite cleverly called "Some of my Favorite Teachers are DJs"; in case you were wndering, he actually is an amateur DJ.....it was pretty cool. also, its just been cool to talk real with ben and Wendy about the direction of our church and i am surprised to hear that Wendy seems to be on-board with the things we have been talking about, even about moving things out of our church and into a place in the community. it turns out i may have misjudged quite a few things that my time here at Willow Creek has corrected me on. a big plus about being here is that my sister and brother-in-law are here at the conference also; i even have 3 out of the 4 sessions with her. my parents were here also, taking care of my two nephews while my sister and her husband are at the seminars. so, since we all were in town and basically a few miles from each other, we all, plus Ben and Wendy, went into downtown Chicago last night and ate at Ed Debevic's (quite a freakin funny and hilarious experience). its pretty dang cool how this week has worked out....... it sure freakin beats work.

wow....what a downer

phew......sorry for leaving you all with such a somber tone with my last entry. however, i thank you all for bearing with my struggles and temporary loss of sight. i also want to thank all of you who were so kind as to write me little notes of encouragement, it helped immensely. sometimes, we just have to vent our feelings so that they don't rot inside of us and make things worse and thats what i had to do with my last entry. that night before i went to bed i was reading my Bible as came across this verse (paraphrased, of course): "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God", how freakin' appropriate. it was as if God himself whispered into my ear " don't worry about all the bad things in your life, my son, i have everything worked out, just trust me"; well, i slept quite well that night. so, thanks again for putting up with my complaints and whining, you all are great friends.

not the best of moods this evening

as the subject suggests.......i'm not in a very cheery mood this evening, in fact i haven't really been for the better part of a week. my cloudy mood revolves around the following set of facts: 1. i am stuck in a job i hate, not just dislike, hate; 2. i am making little to no progress in the things i desire to excel in and someday want to pursue a career in (namely due to my mind-numbing current job); 3. i still live with my parents....believe me, i know what i loser i am; 4. i have no females to really hang out with, let alone date.......on top of it all, the girl i most enjoy hanging out with, only hangs out when i call her, she doesn't call me (she says she will, but she doesn't...quite frustrating). so, i know what you're all thinking, maybe even saying out loud......"well boo f-ing hoo" i agree, i am being pitiful. however, these frustrations are real problems to a guy my age. i should be well on my way to a great career, living on my own, and maybe even have a serious girlfriend.....this is not just some social standard forced on gentlemen my age, this is the way things are for nearly all of my guy friends; they nearly all have good jobs, all live on their own, and all have either serious girlfriends or wives. so what the hell is wrong with me? did i sleep in the day they handed out successful lives? the biggest problem, i think, is that i feel like there is a wall in front of me which prevents me from being successful in any of the areas i outlined above. i honestly feel like God has tied my hands and is causing me to stand in cement, thus not being able to move anywhere or do anything to help things. it has been a tough week between God and me, i have talked at Him quite a bit about my situation and how much pain i have within myself and it feels like He is just standing there, so completely silent. there has to be some reason why this is happening to me, why i am leading such a defeated life; i have no blooming clue though. to quote the great Lee Bozeman, lead singer of Luxury, "somehow, God is good and God is loving." damn right.