5.25.2004

i was so close i could taste it or man, what a jip

so its tuesday night and i am finally able to take a breath, lets all take one together, ok......breathe in...........breathe out......ahh, much better. i realize i haven't written since last thursday and boy, was that one sad; sorry to keep you on such a down note for so long. it has been so long since i've written because the time since thursday night has been both figuratively and literally a whirlwind. i have decided to break it all down to you, since i know you are all so interested in everything i do (heh heh, self-importance is awesome).

Friday- luckily i only had to work in the morning, which i realize i miss so bad, oh well....its either that or have all the nice things i enjoy. so, my afternoon off was going great, i was sitting around eating Burger King, watching blankin' funny episodes from the 2nd season of South Park, knowing i had to go get me tux for the wedding on saturday and head up to the church for rehersal. i got done eating my chicken sandwhich (holy crap, those things have to be the best sandwhiches ever) and watching my South park when i decided i would shave so i wasn't mistaken for a homeless man at the wedding. so there i am, my face all lathered up with shaving cream and the weather changes dramatically and it is all of the sudden really dark out. since i am so inquizitive i turn on the Tv and turn it to the local news channel and......no way, there's a friggin tornado spotted not 10 miles from here and the whole cell is heading this way. awesome! was my first thought and reaction, bad weather has got to be one of the most exciting and fun things to experience. so, because i am so brave and undaunted by a little tornado, i go back to shaving. i am about half done and the tornado sirens go off and the TV is making great noises about us being in a tornado warning and to flee to the basement like Joseph from Potifer's house. "oh well, they blow everything out of proportion", i thought and kept on shaving. not two minutes later a tremnedous bolt of lightning splits the sky and causes one of the loudest sounds i've ever heard; the lights respond by flickering. ok......maybe i should hurry; i am done shaving within a minute and a half. then my mom calls from work and in a tone that is quite out of sorts for my mom tells us we better get the frigg in the basement; so my brother and i go to the basement. to make a long story just slightly less longer, the whole thing blew over without any major physical or emotional harm to either myself or anyone i know. so, i got my tux and headed up to the church in Klinger for Ben and Julie's wedding rehersal. the rehersal was a typical wedding rehersal, not too exciting. however, i did meet some cool people, which happened to be all of Julie's siblings and her parents. i left the rehersal a little after 10, headed up to A.J.'s for a quick pint of Guiness, and then home to bed.

Saturday- frick, the big day, the day that would change Ben's life forever. Ben, Tim, and i left for the church from their apartment building at around 12.30 or so in the new SUV that Ben had rented for the special occasion. on the way up we saw that we had caught up with Troy and thought, "hey, Tim, you should moon him, that would be great fun for us and him." so, Tim proceeded to drop trow and hang his arse out the window while we drove up right next to Troy, all the while honking rediculously. Troy never even blinked, let alone looked over to get an eye full of Tim's hind parts. i don't understand how people can be so focused on driving that they don't even notice a large arse staring at you from the car next to you......oh well, us 3 got a kick out of it anyway. so, we are there at the church in Klinger, all dolled up, getting pictures taken, and it hits us......Ben is getting married in a few hours. this is the event that most everyone looks forward to all their life, the moment when they are joined with another human being and they live the rest of their lives together; wow......what a mystery. the wedding was awesome and quite reverent, Julie looked beautiful, the songs were really cool, Joy and i sang pretty well together, and before i knew it......it was over and time to drive them to the reception. i hate it when things of great meaning and value speed by, almost being missed. i saw the love they had for each other though, the way Julie looked into his eyes, the way both their voices broke a little when they exchanged their vows; i lov that stuff, its so real. so, we get to the reception and they have all of the wedding party come in a couple at a time (sort of Chicago Bulls style without the JockJams music). the food was ok, nothing outrageous, but good enough to enjoy. then the part of the show i had sort of forgotten about............the toast. crap, i didn't have anything prepared to say, i barely memorized the words to the song i sang. so, in true Josh Wilson fashion i shot from the hip and pretty much made evrything up as i went. it seemed to have worked, because they later thanked me for what i said; phew......that was close. the night went on and the dance started, which turned out to be quite fun (wedding dances are a delicate thing, it is a razor's edge difference between lame and crazy fun). i danced with various attenders of the wedding and members of the wedding party, breaking out my circa early 90's hip-hop dance moves (think Hammer's dance talent and Vanilla Ice's skin color....thats me at certain dances); i tore it up. the most memorable part of the dance was slow-dancing a couple of times with a certain person who is very important to me. it was one of those times that i wish i could have recorded and saved. i know that this person and myself are just good friends, and probably always will be, but for a moment i felt so close to this person, it felt natural, nearly intimate; there were no walls up, it was just the two of us in that whole place. i'm sure i sound like an idiot in trying to explain this experience, i mean, how do you put into concrete terms somthing so abstract. it was awesome.

Sunday and Monday- ok, i realize that this is a friggin marathon entry, but i am making up for lost entries here. early sunday morning i got up and drove over to Tim and Kate's apartment as we were leaving for Des Moines to share in Lynn's (Kate's sister) graduation from valley high. the ceremony itself was quite dull, almost painfully so. speaker after speaker after speaker spouting the same sunny, sugary, inspirational shite that i don't really like so much or think means a whole hell of a lot....sorry. so, the ceremony was done and Ross and i, along with kate's step-dad Mark, went and picked up all 30 or so feet of sub sandwhiches from Subway for Lynn's open house (ok.....30 feet might be a slight exageration). we got back to the party room where she was having her open house and helped set everything up. i was happy to be there and help support Lynn in her big day, she is quite a cool and fun girl. Lynn, if you read this.....congratulations. we left des Moines around 8 or so and got back to town around 10. needless to say, i was quite tired when i got back, so i went right to bed. monday was usual crap: get up early, go to work, mindlessly carry out my duties, but there was a little difference.....i was getting off early so i could attend a party with chance of winning a week long vacation to Orlando, FL. a month and a half before all these events took place, i was listening to my favorite classic rock station when i was prompted to try and be the 9th caller and thus qualify myself to be put in the running for a week long vacation to Orlando, FL. so, its here, my chance to win the trip and become the envy of everyone i knew. tayler and i get there, register, and find a table to sit at; there was excitement in the air......or was that the sccent of smoke and poor hygene. anyway, my name is called as one of the few (out of the 153 people in attendance) to try and roll dice to win the big trip; needless to say i was quite excited to be one of the final 8 contenders. so, its now between me and 7 other people.....the game was to roll two oversized, black dice, with the person with the lowest total being eliminated every rownd. first round i was third highest, phew...that was close; someone is eliminated. second round, i roll a strong 10, dogde the bullet again. this went on until it was me and only 3 other people, all trying their hardest to win this great prize. since i was the highest roller in the round before, i went last. the other three people rolled and then its my turn, i have to roll at least a 6 or higher to go on to the next round. i take those huge dice in my hands and hurl them like the experienced craps player i am not. oh man.......they roll, 10...no wait.....7......no wait.......i close my eyes and they roll to a hault.......my final roll: friggin 3. crap, i was so close i couldn't believe i came up so horribly short. oh well, some guy won it and he was really happy and blah blah blah; i suppose it was fun though. utterly defeated, Tayler and i left and got into my car and i took her home. after dropping her off, i went up to A.J.'s to drown my sorrows with a double burger and a frosty pint of Guiness. oh well, i suppose you can't win them all........heck, what am i saying, i haven't won any of them; what a jip.

5.20.2004

what an uneventful evening i am participating in

it may sound boring that it is 8.30 in the evening and i am simply sitting on the couch with my laptop in my lap (that sound a bit redundant) writing on my blog.....its not, its quite relaxing. this week has been a marathon of this and that, getting to bed late, getting up at my usual, early time. however, i do not say this with an aire of regret, i am happy that i was able to stay up late for good reasons, whether they be talking on the phone with a friend who is filling my imagination with a great idea or hanging out at my favorite watering hole talking honestly with people and bearing my heart to them......awesome.

i was just on Jonny Baker's blog (i referenced his blog a couple entries ago, and the link to his blog is on the left) and he has a really insightful comment on the christian subculture and their tireless obsession with all things end-times/rapture related. i highly recommend going to his blog and reading it, its quite refreshing.

on a personal degree, today has been interesting......well, at least this last part of it. now the situation that has triggered me to write this has happened quite often, but, for some reason, it has bothered me more tonight. the story begins almost two years ago to the week, when the strikingly beautiful creature that was the dame of my dreams walked out of my life forever......just kidding, this isn't going to be some blog-noir entry. ok, it is true, however, that it has been two years since my ex-girlfriend April and i broke up after dating for over a year. i say this to exhibit the obsurdity of what i am about to admit: i still, nearly on a daily basis, think of her and how much it sucks that things ended up the way they did. sometimes this takes the form of anger, that she so easily allowed things to end without any show of emotion; sometimes in the form of pain, that we had comitted to each other that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together one night in her car, but i guess she didn't exactly mean it; and sometimes in the form of regret, that i didn't fight harder for her and that i didn't try to convince her to stay....which i'm sure would have done no good what so ever. anyway, the thing that pisses me off and really confuses me is the fact that i still think about her often and i still run certain situation over and over in my head and try and think up things i could have said that would have convinced her to see what i was trying to say. why the hell do i still think on these things? all this crap happened over two years ago, duh. i suppose one of the biggest reasons is that i am still on my own, i don't have anyone on which to set my thoughts and affection. thus, i am forced to rehash things dealing with my failed relationship with April, its all i can point to in this area of my life. we have, since the horrible break up, regained contact with one another, but it has been in the form of me writing her detailed e-mails, then her repplying with brief, surface e-mails. she doesn't e-mail unless its a reply to mine, so if i don't write her first, we don't communicate; its frustrating. anyway, i suppose i should just accept the fact that things are now as they most likely will be forever and just move the #$%^ on. i'm trying....and i pray God helps me in that endeavor (or just brings me a great girl to replace her in my thoughts and heart).

5.19.2004

its ok.....you can tell me i'm an a-hole

hehe, what a stupid title. anyway, it appears that this whole blogging thing has really taken off. as you can see by the new links to the left, two more of my friends have joined the creative world that is blogging. just got in from hanging out at A.J.'s, my favorite watering hole and general hanging out spot. tonight has really made me value true friendship as there was a situation where i had to work something out with a friend; a misunderstanding of sorts. it was a little shakey at first, at least for me, but it made me realize how a true friend cares enough to stop and really grapple with you about something. in the end, i believe we're both better for it and maybe even a little better friends. it was a good night and now i hope to enjoy good sleep. i hope to write more interesting stuff tomorrow; at least i hope to......the well's been pretty dry the past couple days . good night.

5.16.2004

freakin cool

i was just on Jonny Baker's blog (of Grace, an alt.worship ministry in the UK....see Small Fire in the links menu to check it out) and he's got some awesome pictures and an explanation of a service he helped with in a church in San Francisco. when i saw the stuff he did it made me crazy because this is the stuff we've been wanting to try at CVCC, at least in a different service. for the video he used a program called Arkaos, which i want the church to buy so we can enter the stream of video driven worship experience. man.....are the possibilities ever endless.

a slight clarification or i think i missed some things

well, another one is about to bite the proverbial dust as in a week from yesterday, my friend Ben is getting married. if you were to tell me back in high school that my friends Nate and Ben would be the first to get married, i would have laughed right in your face. now before you all peg me as a jerk, let me expound on what i mean. back in high school these two jokers were the ones that either complained in a fit of self-pity that he was never going to get married (Nate, which by the way, was the first one of our group of friends to get married) or idolyzed the apostle Paul so much, that at one point he swore that the life of celibacy is the life for him (Ben). see, i'm not a jerk. i've known Ben for quite a while and i know the sort of girls he's dated in the past....ouch. the crappy thing about the girls he used to date is that he acted so completely different when he was with them; totally wasn't himself, heck, it even made me uncomfortable to see him act like that. however, ever since they started going out, i knew that things were different with Julie. when they were together out in public, he wouldn't change how he acted or what he thought about things; he was himself....it was refreshing to see that. anyway, we had his bachelor party all day yesterday, so this is all on my mind. it was a really fun time hanging out with all the guys, especially Nate who lives in Minneapolis now, so we don't get to hang out with him much. we, of course, started the whole day with a few awesome rounds of disc golf (the group of people who know either love or respect disc golf is growing), then in the evening we ate at a nice cajun-themed restaurant and took a tour of a few bars right there in downtown Cedar Falls. i can't believe everyone is growing up, though i suppose thats what period of life we're in; though i don't feel it 'cause i don't feel like things are progressing for me like for all my other friends......anyway, thats a whole other discussion.

so, i've talked to a few people about the last thing i wrote and i've gotten a mixed bag of responses. i've had a couple people tell me that what i wrote was right on and they agreed with everything i wrote and i've had an equal number of people, thank-you Troy and Lindsay for being a friend enough to question things, bring up a few questions and concerns about some of the things i had to say. one thing i want to clarify is that all of what i wrote was about how the church needs to deal with and treat those that are not in the church, without Christ. we are not to judge those not in the church and look down our noses at them, we are to love them and take care of any need they might have. however, if the Spirit should move within them and after a time of real, deep thought as to whether they want to give Christ their lives, they become a follower of Christ, then the accountability to God and the church begins and they must change their life appropriately (as the Spirit directs). i believe that people don't need to clean themselves up before they fall on Christ's mercy and embrace the salvation He so freely offers, but when they make the decision to follow Christ, then the life-long process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ begins; God loves them too much for them to stay as they are. so, i hope that provides a little more clarification as to what i said earlier. if anyone still has questions, feel free to e-mail me and we can continue this dialogue. i think its important to struggle with these things because these issues are so central to how our generation is going to know how to interact with those outside of the church, the lost and the hurting. may God lead us into all truth and give us the grace and strength to be able to carry these things out in our lives everyday.

5.13.2004

if you don't like the weather.......wait a minute, it'll change

man i tell ya, iowa is friggin nuts when it comes to any sort of consistency in weather patterns. the past 3 days have been quite humid, especially at night (which is one of my biggest pet-peaves, i hate trying to fall asleep when its humid). however, today it was dreary and maybe peaked at a little above 50 degrees; it was like it went from summer to late fall over night. now, don't get me wrong, i'm surely not complaining about the weather today as dreary, cool days are just about my favorite type of day; i just wish it would be a little more consistant. anyway, despite the cool, breezy evening, i was able to enjoy a rousing game of disc golf with some friends.

now to the subject i really want to talk about.......well, at least continue to address. i've been thinking more about some of the ideas that i wrote in an earlier entry about how the church needs to adopt more of a "bar environment". i've gotten some feedback from a few people saying that they agree with things that i have brought to you all; it seems like this idea is really striking a chord with people everywhere, from here in iowa to lovely Paris. so, the more i've thought about this whole thing throughout this week, the more i think that the whole bar example is merely a parable for the real truth: people desire to be in a place where they know they are accepted, no matter what. as Ben M said in a conversation i had with him the other day, when people go to a bar they aren't bombarded with condescending stares; they aren't directed, when they enter, exactly what they should do, how they should do it, and who they should do it with.....they simply show up and hangout with friends and strangers in a safe place. crap...why the frick aren't people flocking to the church because of these reasons instead of a bar? i think to answer that question would be both hard and quite simple, so i'm not going to answer it, i'll let you do that within yourself. so, what do we do from here? well, i was reading some value statements set forth by this minstry in Seattle called The Apostles Church. i read something on that site that was the exquisite mixture of simplicity and life shaking complexity (now, i know what i am about to write is scripture, i just can't remember the specific reference...sorry):
Christ came not to condemn the world, but to save and reconcile it

let that really soak in for a minute........i tell ya when i read that passage, as i have done many times in the past, something clicked within me. how do we relate to all people? you treat them like Christ treated them: with love, patience, and understanding. why do we think its our job to condemn the world when out Lord and savior didn't even think that? the time of judgment is a sure thing, don't get me wrong. but that is a time far from this current reality we live in and it certainly won't be carried out by us. people go to bars because they know they will be accepted. we must, those of us who are part of the body of Christ, adopt this as our banner to a lost and dying world. we must be Christ to all, loving them, accepting them, not condemning them.....thats not our friggin job. our only job is to love (love God with all we are and love all people as ourselves. i hope you don't feel weird about this, but Kate, i know you are reading this. i know many times, Christians have been extremely judgmental towards you and i'm sure all you've seen from those who profess the name of Christ is anything but love; i want to apologize for that. that isn't Christ, that is selfish man getting in the way of Christ being shown. Christ is who we preach and it is Christ who we must live out. when man fails, which he does so well, we must all look to Christ, He is the one we have our faith in and who holds our lives. we really have to stop feeling so self-important and self-righteous, we are only alienating the very ones God loves and cares for. who the hell cares if someone smokes or drinks or cuses or lives with their boy/girlfriend, thses are not reasons to keep people out of the church, these are reasons for us to love them and walk with them on their journey. if God waited for us to clean up our act before we came to Him (like a lot of Christians seem to think people should do), none of us would ever get close to God.

i pray for the sake of those around us who are hurting and lonely that we put on the mind of Christ; that we learn from His example and love all people, all the time, no matter what. to quote the masters of pop music, The Beatles, "all we need is love"...........friggin right.

5.11.2004

holy crap......i can't believe that just happened

something just happened to me that was both tragic and extremely maddening. about 20 minutes ago i sat down at my parents' computer to write another awesome entry for this blog and things were going great. what i wrote was witty, funny, insightful, and slightly self-deprecating. so, happy with my work, i clicked on the "preview" button to see it in the form that it would be in when you lucky people are able to read it. cool, it looked great so i hit the back button to change something on it and this weird message came up talking about something, i don't know...i wasn't really paying attention, so i clicked "ok" and...........the whole friggin entry was erased. AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i tried feverishly to get the screen back using the "back" button as well as the History feature on Internet Explorer, but to no avail. so i sit here frustrated, not remembering much of what i wrote; i guess it wasn't that important. i do, however, remember two things i want to point you all to that will entertain you and, quite possibly, blow your mind.

the first is...there is an incredible video i just watched that i read about on Newstoday (my favorite web portal on the 'net). this is going to sound weird at first but: the video is of a guy beat boxing through a harmonica. its freakin dope stuff, you absolutely have to check it out. just click on "watch movie" when you bring this site up to see it.

the second is...if you are a music lover (like myself) or just simply know your knee from your arse, you have at least heard of the UK rap group known as The Streets. well, i am happy to report that their new CD, "A Grand Don't Come for Free", is now out (at least it is on iTunes, amazon.com shows that it is out next tuesday). so, go open up iTunes (or go download it if you are horribly underprivileged and don't have it) and download the entire album for $9.99. oh....if you happen to have ears that begin to bleed at the sound of a curse word or two, you will probably want to download the edited version; i'm sure its just as good.

well, i suppose thats all for today, not too horribly exciting or interesting, i know...i'm just so steamed that all the stuff i had written before was erased. yet even with all that, it looks like i still managed to write quite a bit. oh well, i suppose thats ok; after all, this ain't the friggin Readers Digest.

5.09.2004

disc golf: the safe alternative to normal golf

yeah, so, yesterday's entry was quite long. after writing it i sort of regretted it being so long, i thought people probably wouldn't read it all of it if it was so long. well, it turns out that i need to have more faith in people. i got some great feedback from people who have read it, so Tim, Kate, and Al.....thanks for the feedback, it was quite encouraging. also, it was fun hanging out with Kate's sister Lynn this weekend...all those Lynch girls are pretty cool.

anyway, i was sitting around the house yesterday and i got a call from my friend Tim, asking me if i wanted to go disc golfing with him. now, i've only, up to this point, heard of this phenomenon known as disc golf, but never have experienced it first hand. to make a potentially long and most likely boring story short i went with him and another friend Morgan and spent a lovely afternoon disc golfing; man....i think i love this sport. it has all the benefits of golf: being outdoors, hanging out with friends, getting some good exercise, friendly competition; but none of the unfortunate pitfalls that can befall fall you while golfing: namely being cursed at by old/middle-aged men because you suck so bad at golf that you are putting the group after you behind, if not the whole friggin golf course. yes, unfortunately i have first-hand experience in this little scenario i have just painted for you. "why don't you just pick up the ball and throw it.....it would go a hell of a lot further" was the first of such heckle that was hurled at me and my friends golfing with me. this good word of encouragement was given to us by a retired guy in his 60's, who it would seem, based on the constructive criticism he so freely handed out to us, was a professional golfer (wink wink, nudge nudge). i would like to tell you that this scaring incident was the only one of its kind, but sadly variations of this first situation have happened to me nearly everytime i've gone out on the links to enjoy a relaxing game of golf. so with all that said, i highly recommend disc golf if you desire to enjoy outdoor recreation in a safe, non verbally-violent place; its quite fun.

5.08.2004

Thoughts generated by alcohol, well....being around it anyway

well, i must say that 12.36 seemed to come quite quickly today.......which is something i haven't thought in probably 4 years. now, i'm not some slug (anymore) who always sleeps in till just past lunchtime, i'm up everyday at a respectable 7.00 in the morning; but it seems i have made an exception this morning. the cause of this suspension of what some would call responsibility ('cause obviously responsibility in one's life is tied to the time they wakeup...) was an outrageous and quite fun, i might add, drinker last night at my friends' Tim and Kate's apartment. outrageous because there were a few times in the night when we thought a few of us may get into a tangle with a few guys over the honor of a couple of our friend's sisters who where there. luckily nothing happened, no one got their nose punched in or anything, just a few words were exchanged. it was quite fun because, well, it was a bunch of my friends, as well as a few new people that turned out to be quite cool, and i just hanging out, having a few drinks, bustin' each other's chops....you know, quality time with one another.

i noticed something last night as i was taking a moment to chill and absorb in my surroundings. there was quite a motley crew of people there, some you probably wouldn't normally find hanging out together in a typical social situation, but we all hung out like we've been friends for years. now i'm sure that the amounts of alcohol being consumed by a majority of the people there had a little something to do with it, but therein lies the rub. this "bar environment" feeling is quite an attractive thing to people, maybe more so to my generation, and i have this sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with the feeling of acceptance and community. i must admit something as a 20-something christian and somewhat regular attender of church, now this is not a new or original thought, but one that was confirmed last night: if we, the church, could capture that intangible feeling of community and acceptance that the bars have seemed to hone, we would be such a force in the world, it would not be the same. this is also where we are confronted with quite a sad hypocrisy: we are seeing sinners ( i use this word only to prove my point) and God-less people "loving" people and making them feel like they belong so much more so than the one group of people on this earth whose m.o. should be first to love above all other things, us christians. this is the time where some would probably desire answers, they would want me to provide an 8 step plan and program the local pastors should implement to alleviate this problem. however, this writer and hopefully a majority of those who would be so lucky as to read this rant, are smart enough to know that it isn't going to take a program, its going to take the hearts of all of the parts of the body (not just the mouths, if you know what i mean) being recalibrated towards love and subsequently, action; heck, its only the 2nd greatest commandment ever given. anyway, i have seemed to write quite a long entry today...oh well, hopefully it causes some of you readers to think; it sure has caused me to.

5.07.2004

so, i am now part of the wonderful world of blogs......awesome. i guess i'll have to operate within the idea that the things i am writing, people may actually want to read; thus i am driven to make all things typed both provocative and horribly interesting. i sort of feel like Charles Foster Kane writing out his declaration to all the readers of his first newspaper, making all sorts of crazy promises. "I promise to, according to the best of my ability, make this blog exciting, informative, and the best thing you'll ever read, blah, blah, blah". ok, enough of that. i hope you learn to enjoy this blog, as i will learn to enjoy writing it for you (and for myself).